Based on Boquin, limerence and love can begin off equally as a dopamine rush, which is why it may be complicated to identify. However whereas limerence is short-lived and conditional, real love is fluid and unconditional. If you actually love somebody, you need them to be pleased regardless of what they may give you. The preliminary attraction develops over time and ultimately reinforces into one thing substantial and lasting.
“Love is extra regular and grounding whereas limerence leaves us with that feeling of being within the clouds,” Boquin explains. “Love is a deep connection that folks develop after figuring out each other, experiencing life collectively, and overcoming challenges collectively.”
Depanian provides that limerence usually comes with the tendency to disregard flaws and red flags: “With limerence, chances are you’ll end up hyper-focusing with reference to your affection (the limerent object) and their constructive traits to the purpose of ignoring current flaws, and directing your intense, irrational feelings in direction of the concept of what they symbolize for you rather than who that individual really is in actuality.”
For those who’re nonetheless not sure when you’re on this dynamic, think about it from this angle. Depanian explains that love stabilizes with companions bonding by means of mutual connection, pursuits, empathy, and shared experiences. Conversely, limerence is marked by depth after which speedy destabilization. The projection can’t pull by means of sufficient to create a relationship because it’s not a sustainable mannequin for connection. “Love is rooted in connection, intimacy, mutuality, and actuality, whereas limerence is rooted in possession, obsession, jealousy, and delusions,” she notes.